Hi everyone!
This is going to be all over the place. I posted it and then decided I'm in the mood to write! I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, so I'll just see where it takes me. :) After class today, I ran an errand with Ray and then he dropped me off cause he had to go to work. I've been cleaning my room since I've been back. But right now, I'm taking a break to put music on Ray's iPod. Well, he's letting me use it right now because my iPod broke. I watch the beauty gurus on Youtube and I've been wanting to make a channel where I post outfit of the days because it'll be easier to post looks there. I would of course do both. I know this isn't the best blog, but I'm so appreciative of the positive feedback I've been getting. Thank you so much for taking the time to look at the blog and commenting!

Here's the original post:
I'm sorry I haven't been posting a lot. I just haven't been able to take very good pictures in my room and haven't really had enough time to take a bunch in my backyard- where my better pictures were taken. I'm going to start having my boyfriend take pictures for me! I'll be posting more soon, I promise. I hope everyone is doing well!

Love always

Lazy Sunday

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Shirtdress: Buffalo Exchange

Belt: Forever 21

This outfit is featuring my dog, Gabby. You will probably see a lot more pictures of her in future posts :) Anyway, Sunday was spent doing homework and heading over to my boyfriend's house. This shirt dress looks a lot shorter in the picture than it is in real life. I'm actually very short, 5'0 and with that, my legs are short too. Anyway, instead of being in boxers and a tank all day, I decided I'd wear a casual outfit that I would actually wear in public. I paired this shirt dress with a wide woven belt to give it some shape. My hair is just natural with a headband to get the hair out of my face. AND my hair is not that stringy, I promise! I messed up my ends from a curling iron which caused my ends to look like straw.

I've felt so productive today. I love feeling motivated to do things. I hope this feeling doesn't go away! Anyway, I hope everyone had a good weekend! I did :)

I really don't understand how some people are so capable of being inconsiderate to other people's feelings. I've never been the kind of person to put myself before others. I'm not sure whether or not that's a good trait that I have. I know I'm not a perfect person and in no way am I saying I am, but I just don't understand. I wish I could. I wish I could understand what goes through people's heads. If I could all the times where I've wanted to ask "why?" would be answered. I suppose I am a controlling person. I just want people to be good and I know that a lot of people have it in their hearts to be a wonderful person, but they're so incapable of taking other's advice and letting it go in one ear and out the other. Why can't people just listen? Some may say that I'm guilty of this, but I'm not. I do listen and I hear every word that is said. I take it in and consider the things they say, but when I know it won't make me happy, I do what I want to do. For example, my relationship. After going through all we have and after what I've been put through, people tell me that it's in my best interest to leave. I guess in some aspects that's true... I'll be able to avoid the heartache and the struggles, but that's just it. If I can't go through those obstacles and leave it behind, what about what I'll miss out on? Some problems aren't always going to be resolved after the first argument, it may take hundreds of arguments but for the most part, I'm okay with that. The special relationship I have with Ray is unlike any other I've experienced before. Sure, I've experienced a lot with Brad and spent a year of my life with him as my world, but I learned from that. The heroin addict put me through so much pain that I do regret it sometimes, but it made me wiser and that much stronger. I now know what to lookout for and I now speak up for myself. When I was fourteen, someone told me that I make people feel awful and low of themselves. Although that may be true, it was never intentional. I was straightforward and stuck up for myself. After being told that, I stopped all together. I was not straightforward in all situations unless someone really pushed me to speak up. After several experiences of only taking in what people said, I got hurt repeatedly. It's not worth it to me. Of course I take other people's feelings into consideration, but I do have to think of myself sometimes. I guess all the wonder I have and all the misconceptions of people is why I want to become a psychologist. I want to be able to study people and know what the fuck is going on in their head. I didn't believe in mental disorders and just believed it was just for the government to make money from the pills they distribute, but now I've realized and accepted that some people have a screw (or 100) loose up there.

In other news, I love the shirt I'm wearing in this picture. It was 7$ at TJMaxx. What a deal! It was cute and cheap. Not to mention my dog. I love this dog with my whole heart and protect her like she is my child. I admit I do spoil her and baby her, but whatever. I do what I want and do what I can to keep her happy.

Wouldn't it be nice to know that every word that every person was true? And that people didn't have the need to lie all the time? My love for animals is so strong because they are the ones that will love you unconditionally and their love is pure. Most people are too selfish to know that kind of love.

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There are several reasons I want to get out of this town. My past disgusts me and knowing all the people who were apart of it makes my stomach turn. It may sound exaggerated and it's definitely not the first time a teenager has said this, but I mean it. I associated myself with downright scandelous and misguided people. I now am in the background of what's going on and truthfully, only spend most of my days with two people. I am perfectly content with that because majority of the people I befriended before were not real friends. They were people I would lose sight of reality with. It's not the best thing to nearly isolate yourself from your peers, but its something I've come to terms with because I know how sick in the head I was just 8 months ago. I am me again and out of that dark hole. I started to breathe again.
Disclaimer: I am NOT talking about all of the people I was friends with, I mean most. There are still friends that I don't see anymore who are still dear to my heart

I hadn't deemed it possible to go through all Ray and I have and to still be in a relationship months later. Though we've had a lot of ups and a lot of downs, our relationship is still strong and happy. I used to wonder why people would stay together after what they've gone through and now I understand. I've gone through my share of boys and I didn't get anything out of it aside from hurt and learning lessons. I grew sick and tired of those learning lessons and wanted something real.

Previous experiences left me shook up and sick in the head. I turned to a lifestyle that took me away from reality and a few months of my life are a blur. I lost sight of myself and became downright embarrassing. I was plain out bitter. The last person I "dated" before Ray makes me sick. The things that person put me through and did to me were enough to put me in a dark enough place to make losing myself and reality possible. I look at him as a mistake but I don't regret it. What I learned will be with me for the rest of my life. If it weren't for me being sad, I wouldn't have ended up over at Ray's house in his backyard talking about everything under the sun. I also wouldn't have gotten so close to Jenn. I can't express how much I love the both of them and how much I care for them. I am so grateful for them and cannot thank them enough.